


Somethings Remains

by smaragdbird



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Origins - Awakening
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Matchmaking, elissa wants her brother to be happy, nathaniel has doubts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-23
Updated: 2016-01-23
Packaged: 2018-05-15 17:28:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5793490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smaragdbird/pseuds/smaragdbird
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nathaniel and Fergus were lovers when they were younger until Fergus went and married Oriana and Nate got sent to the Free Marches. The two men are reunited years later when Fergus goes to visit his little sister at Vigil's Keep, and they realize they're still attracted to/in love with each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Somethings Remains

**Author's Note:**

> Written for [this ](http://dragonage-kink.livejournal.com/3486.html?thread=21176478#t21176478) prompt on Dragon Age Kink.

“Teyrn Cousland, welcome to Vigil’s Keep,” Nathaniel said formally when Fergus had dismounted from his horse. 

“We chased rats together and pretended they were darkspawn so there’s no need to call me by my title, Nate.” Fergus said. The last time he had been here he had barely seen a hair of Nathaniel despite having been saved by him. “Is my sister here?”

“She’s in Amaranthine on business. With the King.”

“Oh”, Fergus grinned. He could very well imagine what Elissa was doing with Alistair in Amaranthine and he was certain it didn’t involve politics. “Bad timing on my part. But if it’s alright with you I could stay until she comes back. I’m not expected back in Highever for another week.”

“Of course”, Nathaniel said stiffly. “One of the new recruits will show you your room.” He was desperate to leave Fergus’ presence. 

“Nate”, Fergus caught his arm. “Since you were hiding the last time I was here: thank you for saving my life.”

“You’re welcome”, Nathaniel said but Fergus didn’t take his hand from his arm. Their eyes met and suddenly they both were aware that neither of them had forgotten anything despite the nine long years that separated them.

“If you’re not too busy, maybe you could tell me about – “

“I am busy”, Nathaniel said quickly. “But I’ll see you for dinner.” Considering that the majority of people in the keep were eating dinner at the same time in the same room that wasn’t much of a promise.

“I’ll see you then”, Fergus said, trying to mask his disappointment.

“See you.” Nathaniel echoed and fled.

/

Somehow Nathaniel managed to avoid Fergus for the next few days, mostly by hiding in his office and answering letters and looking over finances. He had been trained to manage an Arling, this Arling to be exact and so this was what he was doing. Elissa had made Sigrun her second in command at Vigil’s Keep but she knew little of the day to day duties and so Nathaniel put his skills to a good use while avoiding Fergus. It was a win for everyone involved really.

“Hello, Nate”, Sigrun said when she walked into his office.

“I’m halfway done with the supply lists. We’re going to need more flour until the mill can be repaired. And – “

“Elissa is coming back today. The royal entourage was seen leaving Amaranthine.”

“Good.”

“Does that mean you’ll stop hiding in this room?”

“I’m not hiding, I’m working.”

“Why are you so afraid of Fergus? He seems nice and Elissa said you two were friends. You saved his life. And he keeps asking questions about you. You might want to talk to him before Anders runs out of stories to tell and starts making them up.”

“My presence has never stopped Anders from making up stories before.”

“Just come out of this room”, she needled. “You can’t stay here forever.”

Nathaniel’s face clearly said that he could try but he also knew Sigrun well enough to know she wouldn’t stop until he stopped hiding. With a sigh he straightened his papers and stood up from his desk, trying to ignore the feeling of dread pooling in his stomach.

/

The atmosphere at Vigil’s Keep was always a bit lighter when Elissa was there. She had a talent for making everyone feel at ease and while Alistair was certainly a good king he seemed more at home in the Keep than at the Palace in Denerim.

“Sooo”, Anders sat down with the biggest, most obnoxious grin Nathaniel had ever seen on his face. “You and Fergus Cousland, when did that happen?”

“You’re imagining things”, Nathaniel told him shortly the same moment Elissa said, “When they were teenagers.”

Nathaniel gave her a betrayed look which she blithely ignored to steal some grapes from Alistair’s plate.

“And what happened?” Anders asked.

“Nothing”, Nathaniel said.

“They were disgustingly in love but then our parents caught them, Nathaniel here was shipped off to the Free Marches and Fergus cried into his pillow every night”, Elissa said, stealing a slice of bread.

“I was eating that”, Alistair complained.

“You’re obliged to share with me. It says so in our vows.”

“But not my food!”

“Everything”, Elissa said and eyed his potatoes hungrily. 

Alistair curled a protective arm around his plate and moved away from her, only to have Sigrun staring at his plate from the other side.

“Hey”, Fergus said. Compared to the assembled Grey Wardens his plate looked almost empty. He sat down next to Nathaniel, which resulted in a grin from Elissa and an elaborate eyebrow wiggle from Anders.

/

“I shall see you in three weeks”, Alistair said, his hands cupping Elissa’s face as they said their goodbyes. 

“Make that two”, she replied.

He grinned. “You just can’t get enough of me, can you?”

“Never”, she kissed him deeply and decidedly more passionately than a simple farewell kiss usually was.

“Think that’ll be in store for us one day?” Anders asked, coming up behind Nathaniel.

“As good looking as you are – “

“Not me”, Anders laughed. “Wait, you think I’m good looking?”

Nathaniel sighed. “What do you want, Anders?”

“I can’t just want to spent time with my friend?”

The look Nathaniel gave him clearly said no.

Anders shrugged. “I’ll have to admit that I find your past fascinating. It’s like one of these dreadful romance novels from the guy in Kirkwall.”

“Varric Thethras”, Nathaniel said without missing a beat. “And there is no romance going on here.”

“But there was. And maybe you’d want it to happen again.”

“What I want isn’t important”, Nathaniel told him and left without another word.

/

“Is your brother always that oblivious?” Anders asked as they watched Nathaniel and Fergus glance at each other whenever one of them wasn’t looking.

“I don’t think so”, Elissa said but she didn’t sound very sure.

“At this rate we’ll have to lock them into a closet together.”

“I did the next best thing and ordered Nathaniel to escort Fergus back to Highever.” She and Anders shared a grin.

“Nice work.”

“My mother’s constant attempt to find spouses for me and Fergus must have rubbed off.”

/

“I should be on my way. I’m going to assume you won’t be ambushed by bandits in your own castle.” When he realised what he had said, Nathaniel winced. He turned to go but Fergus caught his arm. 

“You will barely make it to the forest’s edge before nightfall. Stay until tomorrow at least.”

Nathaniel nodded slowly. “I shall find a room at the inn then.”

Fergus rolled his eyes and sighed. “Don’t pretend to be stupid, Nate.”

“It would be hardly appropriate for me to stay in the castle.” For a moment Fergus’ hand tightened around Nathaniel’s arm but his face didn’t change.

“What happened here had nothing to do with you.” It had taken him so long to convince himself of that truth but now that he believed it he would convince Nathaniel of it as well.

A soft look crossed Nathaniel’s face for a moment but it was gone before Fergus could commit it to memory. “We both know that’s not true.”

“Stop talking like that! He may have been your father but he wasn’t worthy of you or Delilah or Thomas. So don’t you dare equal yourself to his level, his crimes.”

Nathaniel pressed his lips together, a habit so old that Fergus felt he was back on a day twelve years ago when Nathaniel had made the same gesture before telling him that his father had cut their visit to Highever short and that they would leave the next morning. It was the last time he had seen him until Nathaniel had saved his life from bandits four months ago.

“It would also not be appropriate for me to stay because of my thoughts towards you and your…wife.”

“What do you mean?”

“When I heard the news of your marriage I wished her dead. I wished you dead. I thought that would be easier to bear. I thought these feelings were gone, erased by time, but the past weeks…I cannot be your friend, Fergus. I cannot.” He tried to free his arm from Fergus’ grip but his hand was clamped around his arm like a bear trap. 

“I don’t want to be your friend, Nathaniel”, Fergus said and kissed him.

For a moment Nathaniel stood there like a statue but Fergus was determined not to break the kiss until Nathaniel either kissed him back or pushed him away. To his relief Nathaniel chose the former. He wrapped his arms around Fergus and melted against him, kissing back as if he had waited for this as long as Fergus had. 

“I love you”, Fergus whispered, resting his forehead against Nathaniel’s. 

“You shouldn’t”, Nathaniel replied.

“I’m going to be the judge of that.”

“Maker forgive me but I love you, too. I never stopped.” Nathaniel smiled and reminded Fergus of a evening a long time ago and how they had stood here like this before. They had been purer smiles then, not tainted by war and regret and enough death to make anyone sick of it. But now he could see nothing of Nathaniel’s worry and woe and turmoil, only his young, sad smile and the promises that it once held, in a corridor long ago.

/

“What happens now?” Nathaniel asked, his head resting on Fergus’ chest with Fergus’ arms securely wrapped around him as if he was still afraid Nathaniel would leave.

“Now I will start to make up even more excuses to come to Amaranthine”, Fergus replied. “But my sister is the Warden Commander, so that shouldn’t be too hard.”

“You truly want to continue this?”

“As long as I can and you want to, yes.”

“But I...how can you even look at me?” Nathaniel asked harshly and broke out of Fergus’ embrace. 

Fergus took Nathaniel’s face between his hands. “I told you before and I will tell you as many times as you need to hear it: you hold no responsibility for what your father did.”

“It sounds so easy when you say it like this.”

“It wasn’t easy”, Fergus admitted. “But out of the two people I loved like this I’m glad one at least made it out alive.”

“What about Elissa? She’ll – “But Fergus interrupted him.

“If Elissa was against this, she wouldn’t have made you come with me”, Fergus smiled. “Any more objections?”

“Give me time. I’ll find some.”

“Do you mind if I give your reasons to continue this meanwhile?”

Nathaniel smiled. “Not at all.”

**Author's Note:**

> Find me [ here](http://smaragdbird.tumblr.com/) on tumblr


End file.
